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blaze

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blaze   in reply to The Wizard   on

Friends Helping Friends

Hi Wizard, are you getting sick and tired of me bugguing you yet? ha ha. I apoligize. whats really weird, is that i was able to get the my (one page)TRUTH TO BE REVEALED. from your page. But from mine i can't. I received a message, if you would like to read it on my home page. And it says they could not get access to it either. Im confused, (but that really isnt differnt from any other time) Please if you have any more suggestions, please let me know Thanks bunches, Take care and God Bless BLAZE

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blaze   in reply to SingleMomsAlone   on

Single Moms Alone

HI, I think this is a great organazation for single moms. who, like myself care nothing more then for the welfare of there children. I would be very greatful if you took the time to read my family's story. And if you have any suggestions, it would be very deeply appreciated. I'm running out of time before I loose my home, and have know where to turn to. THANKS AGAIN TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

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blaze   in reply to Builder1   on

What is Aidpage... People Helping People

Thanks Wizard, I apoligize for bothering you all so much, i have know clue what i'm doing, when it comes to computers. yes i know its pretty sad, when my kids know more about using computers then i do. ha ha. But Wizard, (please dont laugh) I clicked on the heading the true is revealed off of this site, and it still said the same thing. this page can not be found. sorry to bother you again. Take Care and God Bless Blaze

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blaze   in reply to Builder1   on

What is Aidpage... People Helping People

HI EMIL, THANKS FOR YOUR REPLEY. I NEED TO BOTHER YOU WITH A COUPLE MORE QUESTIONS IF YOU DONT MIND. ON ONE OF MY PAGES THAT I WROTE (THE TRUE BE REVEALED)I'M UNABLE TO SEE THE PAGE. IT KEEPS TELLING ME: PAGE CANNOT BE FOUND. ANY SUGGESTIONS? ALSO IF SOMEONE LEAVES A COMMENT FOR ME, DO I HAVE TO GO, TO EACH OF MY PAGES THAT I WROTE TO SEE THERE COMMENT? AND SAY NOW THAT I WROTE YOU A COMMENT DO I HAVE TO COME BACK TO YOUR PAGE TO HEAR YOUR REPLY? CAN YOU TELL BLAZE IS VERY LOST LOL. YOUR TIME IS GREATLY APPRECIATED. THANKS BLAZE TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

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blaze   in reply to Builder1   on

What is Aidpage... People Helping People

HI EMIL, HOW ARE YOU? GREAT I HOPE. I HAD A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS. WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ACTIVITY AND SEE WHO'S INTERESTED LINK? IF YOU COULD LET ME KNOW I WOULD GREATLY APPRECIATE IT. TAKE CARE AND GOD BLESS

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blaze   in reply to AidpageTeam   on

AidpageTeam

HI, MY NAME IS DENISE. I AM HAVING PROBLEMS SIGNING ON THE AIDPAGE. I'VE TRIED RESETING MY PASSWORD. IT WENT THREW ALL THE STEPS, TO RESET PASSWORD. BUT I STILL CANT SIGN ON. ITS TELLING ME INCORRECT E-MAIL OR PASSWORD. IVE HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO SIGN ON FOR 2DAYS. I'VE DONE A SEARCH FOR MY SCREEN NAME AND I AM ON THERE, MY NICKNAME IS BLAZE. PLEASE IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO FIX THIS IT WOULD BE GREATLY APPRECIATED. MY E-MAIL ADDRESS IS BLAZINGSTORM1@NETZERO.COM THA NK YOU VERY MUCH DENISE

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blaze  

THE TRUTH IS REVEALED (PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS)

A MONTH HAS GONE BY, AND I WOKE UP FROM A DEAD SLEEP, WITH THE WORDS THAT THE DR. (WHO DID THE C-SECTION) KEPT ASKING ME AND MY DAUGHTER WAS STUCK IN MY HEAD.  HE KEPT ASKING US IF WE DOUBT ANYTHING, THAT HE DID.   HE WOULD ASKED ME THAT, WHEN I TALKED TO HIM ON THE PHONE, WHEN I WAS IN THE HOSPITAL WITH MY GRANDSON, AT LEAST 10 TIMES.  I TOLD HIM NO, THAT I DIDNT DOUBT ANYTHING THAT HE DID.

I JUST HAD THIS WEIRD FEELING TO GO DOWN TO THE HOSPITAL AND GET THERE MEDICAL RECORDS.  EVERY TIME THAT I'VE GONE DOWN THERE TO GET MEDICAL RECORDS, IT NO BIG DEAL, YOU SIGN A RELEASE FORM, THEY GO IN THE BACK AND GET YOU YOUR RECORDS.   ON THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL, I CALLED AND SAID I WAS ON MY WAY TO PICK UP THESE RECORDS.  SHE ASKED ME FOR THE NAMES.   I TOLD HER, AND SHE PUT ME ON HOLD.   WHEN SHE GOT BACK ON THE PHONE, THE FIRST THING SHE ASKED ME, WAS I GOING TO TAKE THESE TO A LAYWER?  I THOUGHT THAT WAS KINDA STRANGE.  I TOLD HER NO I WAS'NT, IT WAS FOR MY PERSONAL USE.  SHE TELLS ME TO HANG ON AGAIN, PUTS ME ON HOLD, AND WHEN SHE GOT BACK ON SHE TOLD ME I WOULD HAVE TO WAIT FOR ANOTHER LADY,  WHO WORKED THERE, BUT SHE WAS'NT IN, AND DID NOT KNOW WHEN OR IF SHE'D BE BACK IN THAT DAY.   BY THEN I WAS IN THE PARKING LOT, WALKING IN. SO I JUST TOLD HER I WAS WALKING IN RIGHT NOW.   SHE HAD ME AND MY DAUGHTER SIGN THE RELEASE FORMS.  TOOK THEM IN THE BACK ROOM, CAME BACK AND SAID SHE COULD NOT GIVE ME THE RECORDS.  I ASKED WHY.  SHE SAID I HAD TO WAIT TO TALK TO HER BOSS, WHO WOULDNT BE IN UNTIL THE NEXT DAY.  I WAS'NT VERY HAPPY WHEN I LEFT THERE.

I WENT IN THE NEXT DAY,  I TALKED TO THE LADY SHE WANTED ME TO TALK TO AND SHE HAD US RELEASE FORMS TO SIGN AGAIN.  SHE TOOK THE FORMS IN BACK, I COULD HEAR HER TALKING TO SOMEONE BACK THERE.  SHE CAME BACK AND SAID SHE COULD NOT RELEASE THEM TO ME.  I ASKED HER WHY, SHE GAVE ME THIS EXCUSE THAT I WOULD HAVE TO TALK TO HER BOSS. I'M THINKING HOW MANY BOSS'S DO I HAVE TO TALK TO?   BECAUSE, SHE WASNT SURE IF MY DAUGHTER COULD SIGN TO GET MY GRANDSON'S RECORDS. SINCE SHE WAS UNDER AGE. SHE WASNT SURE WHAT THE POLICY WAS.  THIS WAS ON A FRIDAY, AND I DIDNT GET THOSE RECORDS UNTIL THE FOLLOWING THURSDAY.  WHEN I DID PICK THEM UP, THEY GAVE ME THE EXCUSE THAT THEY THOUGHT I WAS MY DAUGHTER'S GRANDMA.  HELLO I'M 33, AND I'M A GRANDMA TO A 16YR OLD?

WHEN MY DAUGHTER WENT TO BED,  I JUST HAD THIS FEELING TO WAIT, UNTIL SHE DID FALL ASLEEP. I THANK GOD I DID.  I READ MY DAUGHTER'S RECORD FIRST... OH MY GOSH, I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.  THE DR. LIED THREW HIS TEETH.  HE NEVER MENTIONED THE USE OF THE J-HOOKS.  HE SAID THE SURGURY LASTED 10MINS.  AND HE HAD WHITED OUT SOME THINGS THAT HE HAD WRITTEN. (I FOUND OUT LATER, THAT ITS AGAINST THE LAW TO DO THAT, THERE SUPPOSE TO DRAW ONE LINE THREW THE WORD, AND THEN INITICAL ABOVE IT)  NOTHING WAS MENTIONED ABOUT THE ANATHESEOLIGIST TAKING AN HOUR TO GET THERE.   AND ALSO MY DAUGHTERS REGULAR O.B. NOTES WHERE IN THERE.  SHE ALSO LIED AND SAID, THAT MY DAUGHTER ONLY WENT TO TWO OFFICE VISITS.  THAT WAS A TOTAL LIE.  BUT SHE DID MENTION, THAT IN ONE OF HER SO CALLED 2 VISITS, SHE HAD BLOOD IN HER URINE.   THEN WHY DID'NT SHE SAY ANYTHING?   THE DR. PUT ON HIS REPORT, THE REASON FOR HER GOING INTO PREMATURE LABOR WAS INSUFFIENCT PRENATEL CARE.   YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW UPSET I WAS, AND GOT WORSE THE MORE I READ.

IN THE O.R. NURSES REPORT, THERE HAS TO BE TWO NURSES THAT FILL OUT A REPORT.(ITS THE LAW)  BOTH OF THEM PUT ? ON THE LINE TO WHY THE SURGURY WAS BEING DONE.  THEY BOTH PUT DONE THE TIME OF SURGURY WAS 45MIN.  THEY WHERE SAYING THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF WHAT THE DR SAID.

IN MY GRANDSONS REPORT, THE FIRST THING THE LIFE FLIGHT NOTED WAS MASSIVE EXTREMITY BRUSING.  MY GRANDSON, HAD A BRUISE ON HIS BACK, THE PERFECT SHAPE OF A THUMB PRINT.

I DIDNT KNOW WHAT TO DO. I DIDNT WANT TO BRING THIS UP, AND HURT MY DAUGHTER WORSE, WE ALL WERE IS SUCH DEVASTATION BY HIS DEATH.   HOW COULD I TELL HER THAT MAYBE HER SON WOULD STILL BE ALIVE, IF THE DR. 1ST OFF, SHOULD OF PUT HER ON THE LIFE FLIGHT, TO THE UOFU WHERE IF SHE DID HAVE TO HAVE AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION, SHE'D BE RIGHT THERE SO THEY COULD IMMEDIATLY TAKE CARE OF MY GRANDSON.  INSTEAD OF WASTING THE TIME TO LIFE FOR THE ANATHESEOLIGIST TO ARRIVE, TO FLIGHT MY GRANDSON.  NOT TO MENTION THE NURSE WHO PULLED HIS VENTALATOR OUT.     BUT AS SOON AS MY DAUGHTER HAD LAID DOWN ON THE OPERATING ROOM TABLE AND WAITED FOR AN HOUR, MY GRANDSON WENT BACK IN, AND WAS AT THE TOP OF HER UTERUS.  THATS WAY HE HAD SUCH A HARD TIME GETTING HIM OUT.   HE COULD OF JUST PUT HER ON COMPLETE BED REST. I'VE HEARD THAT THERE IS A METAL CUP, THAT THEY CAN PUT UP A WOMEN IN THESE KIND OF CASES.  

 I CARRIED AROUND THIS INFORMATION FOR A MONTH INSIDE MY HEAD, NOT TELLING ANYONE. AND IT WAS KILLING ME INSIDE. I PRAYED AND PRAYED ASKING GOD HIS GUIDENCE ON WHAT I SHOULD DO.   I FINALLY DECIDED TO SIT DOWN WITH MY DAUGHTER AND TELL HER EVERYTHING. AS SOON AS I GOT THEREW SPEAKING, SHE GOT UP TOLD ME TO HANG ON. IT FREAKED ME OUT , I DIDNT KNOW IF SHE LEFT TO GO CRY OR WHAT BUT SHE CAME BACK WITH A PIECE OF PAPER WITH A LADYS NAME AND #.   SHE TOLD ME, THAT SHE JUST SO HAPPENED TO SIT NEXT TO A LADY AT THE WIC'S OFFICE, AND THEY STARTED TO TALK ABOUT PREMATURE BABIES, MY DAUGHTER TOLD HER SHE JUST LOST HER SON, AND I GUESS TOLD HER THE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED.  WELL IT JUST SO HAPPENED THAT, THIS LADY ALSO HAD THE SAME DR.  AND SHE CAME REALLY CLOSE TO LOOSING HER SON, BECUASE OF THIS DR.S NEGLEGENCE.

I WAS IN SHOCK, I EXPECTED MY DAUGHTER TO FREAK OUT OR SOMETHING, BUT DEEP DOWN SHE KNEW, SHE SAID.  HOW WERIED IS THAT SHE'D SIT NEXT TO SOMEONE WHO HAD THE SAME O.B. DR.   THEN I WAS AMAZED BY THE INFORMATION THAT WAS JUST BEING DROPED INTO MY LAP.  I HAD 2 REALLY GOOD FRIENDS WHO WORKED FOR THE HOSPITAL. I TRIED TO GET INFO OUT OF THEM BEFORE, BUT THEY WOULDNT SAY MUCH ABOUT THIS DR. I COULD RESECT THAT, CUZ THEY WORK FOR THE HOSPITAL.  THEN OUT OF THE BLUE MY ONE FRIEND WHO IS A RADIOLOGIST WHO DID THE THE ULTRASOUND ON MY DAUGHTER 3DAYS BEFORE SHE WENT INTO LABOR,  TOLD ME THAT IF IT WAS TRUE, WHAT THE DR. WAS SAYING, SHE WOULD OF SEEN IT WHEN SHE WAS DOING THE ULTRASOUND.  AND THAT THERE WHERE SEVERAL COMPLAINTS BY EMPLOYEES FOR THINGS THIS DR HAS DONE WRONG TO OTHER PATIENTS.  THEN A FEW DAYS LATER MY OTHER FRIEND, CAME UP TO ME AND SAID, GET A LAWYER AND NAIL THIS DR TO THE WALL.  THE HOSPITAL HAS BEEN COVERING UP HIS MISTAKES BY PAYING PEOPLE OFF SO THEY WOULDNT TAKE IT TO COURT. I WAS HEARING FROM DIFFERENT WOMEN OR WHO KNEW OF A WOMEN ALL THESE AWFUL THINGS ABOUT WHAT THIS DR WAS DONE TO THEM.

I FELT IT, IN MY HEART THAT THE RIGHT THING TO DO WAS TO GET A LAWYER, AND TRY TO NAIL THIS DR'S ASS TO THE WALL.
IT WASNT ABOUT THE MONEY FOR ME,  I BELIEVE GOD WANTED ME TO PURSUE THIS, SO THIS NEVER EVER HAPPENS TO ANOTHER WOMEN AGAIN. AND THEY WONT HAVE TO GO THREW THE MASSISVE HEARTACHE WE ARE FEELING RIGHT NOW.

SO, I GOT A LAWYER ABOUT 50 MILES AWAY FROM MY HOME TOWN. HE WAS HIGHLY RECOMMENED.   ME AND MY DAUGHTER WENT IN FOR OUT INITIAL VISIT, TOLD THE STORY OF WHAT HAPPENED. THIS LAWYER TOLD US HE HAS HAD PEOPLE COME IN BEFORE, BECAUSE OF THIS DR. SO HE KNEW THE DR'S NAME VERY WELL.   HE EXPLAINED TO US THAT PREMIEE WRONGFUL DEATH, IS ONE OF THE HARDEST CASES TO PROVE.  HE TOLD US THAT OUT OF ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAS CAME IN, BECAUSE OF THIS DR.  MY DAUGHTERS EXPERIENCE WAS THE WORST NEGLAGENCE HE HAS HEARD OF. BY THIS DR.  THEN MY DAUGHTER SHOULD HIM THAT PICTURES, AFTER LOOKING AT JUST A FEW OF THE PICTURES, HE STARTED TO CRY. HE COULD NOT BELIEVE, ALL THE MASSIVE BRUSING.  HE'D TURN THE PAGE, GET UP AND SHOW THE MAIN LAYWER OF THE FIRM THE PICTURE. COME BACK AND STARTING LOOKING AGAIN, UP AGAIN HE'D GO, TO SHOW HIM THIS PICTURE.  BUT WHEN HE GOT TO THE PICTURE OF THE HORRIBLE BRUISE, ON MY GRANDSON BACK, IN A PERFECT SHAPE OF A THUMB PRINT. HE JUMP OUT OF THE CHAIR RAN TO THE NEXT ROOM, AND WE COULD HERE HIM TALKING..  HE TOLD THE MAN MAIN, LOOK AT THIS PICTURE.  I COULD TELL BY THE SOUND OF HIS VOICE, HE WAS VERY UPSET.
HE ENDED UP COMING BACK WITH THE MAIN MAN, HE LOOKED AT MY DAUGHTER, AND SAID HE WAS SO SORRY. THEY TOLD US THAT THEY WOULD TRY EVERYING IN THERE POWER TO NAIL THIS DR. THE LAWYER WITH THE PICTURES STILL HAD TEARS RUNNING DOWN HIS CHEEKS.  I STARTED TO FEEL A LITTLE GLIMPSE OF HOPE, WHEN WE LEFT THERE.


ALL THE OTHER RECORDS, FROM LIFE FLIGHT, AND THE UOFU(THE HOSPITAL WHERE MY GRANDSON WAS HAD ALLREADY ARRIVED
IT TOOK OVER A MONTH, CLOSER TO 2 BEFORE THEY FINALLY GOT THE MEDICAL RECORDS FROM THE HOSPITAL WHERE THE C-SECTION WAS DONE.  THE DR, EVEN CALLED THE LAW FIM, AND SPOKE WITH OUT LAWYER, AND HAD ASKED WHY HE REQUESTED THESE CERTAIN RECORDS.  THE LAWYER, TOLD ME, THAT NONE OF THE OTHER LAWYERS, EVER HAD A DR CALL AND ASK WHY, THEY WHERE REQUESTING MEDICAL RECORDS.  WHEN THE LAWYER WAS TELLING ME THIS, HE SAID TO ME, THE ONLY REASONS THAT WE CAN THINK OF, WHY HE CALL AND WANTED TO KNOW IS BECAUSE HE KNEW HE HAD DONE SOMETHING WRONG. HE THEN SAID THAT NOW THAT ALL THE RECORDS WHERE IN THEY WERE GOING TO SEND THEM TO THERE DR'S TO LOOK OVER.

IN THE MEAN TIME, I MET A WOMEN IN THE N.A. PROGRAM WHO WAS PREGNANT. I ASKED HER WHO HER DR. WAS. WHEN SHE TOLD ME THAT IT WAS THE SAME DR. FOR HER AND HER BABYS SAFETY I TOLD HER ABOUT MY DAUGHTERS STORY.  WHAT MAKES ME SO UPSET, IS THAT SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE WAS ON MEDICAD, AND HE WAS THE ONLY O.B. WHO TOOK MEDICAID, IN OUR TOWN, SO SHE BASICLLY HAD NO CHOICE, BUT TO CHOOSE HIM.

SHE WAS A LITTLE OVER 8 1/2 MONTHS ALONG AND SHE WENT INTO LABOR. SHE GOES DOWN TO THE HOSPITAL, AND THIS STUPID DR, PUMPS HER UP WITH ALL THE MEDS TO STOP HER CONCRACTIONS.    I DONT UNDERSTAND, WHY HE COULDNT JUST DELIVER HER?   SHE WAS GETTING KINDA SCARED BY ALL THESE MEDS THEY WHERE GIVING HER TO STOP HER CONTRACTIONS.  THEN SUDDENLY, THEY COULD HEAR THE BABIES HEART BEAT, BUT THEY COULD NOT GET THE BABY TO MOVE. THEY TRIED ALL THESE WAYS SHE SAID TO TRY TO GET HIM TO MOVE. THEY NEVER GOT THE BABY TO MOVE, BUT HE SENT HER HOME.  BECAUSE HER CONTRACTIONS HAD STOPPED.
THE NEXT DAY, SHE DID'NT FEEL THE BABY MOVE ONCE. SO THAT NIGHT SHE GOES BACK TO THE HOSPITAL, TELLS THE DR, SHE HAS NOT FELT THE BABY MOVE ALLDAY.   HE GRABBED, A HAND HELD HEART BEAT MONITOR TO LISTEN.  HE WAS UNABLE TO HEAR A HEART BEAT,  SO HE TOOK HER DOWN TO THE BIG ULTRASOUND MACHINE TO LISTEN, TO SEE IF HE COULD HEAR A HEART BEAT ON THIS MACHINE.  HE FOUND OUT, THE BABY HAD DIED.
WHEN SHE TOLD ME THIS, MY HEART SANK. INSTANT RAGE WAS FLOWING THREW MY BODY.
THE WORST OF ALL OF THIS IS THAT, HE SAYS TO HER: I WANT YOU TO GO HOME AND DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO HAVE HIM VAGINALY OR HAVE A C-SECTION.   THIS TOTALLY BLEW ME AWAY.  CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN TO ME, WHY WOULD A DR. SEND A MOM HOME, KNOWING HER BABY IS DEAD IN SIDE OF HER.  TO GO HOME AND DECIDE HOW SHE WANTS TO HAVE HIM.  I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE, HOW SHE FELT, KNOWING THIS. THIS WOULD MESS UP ANY MOMS HEAD.   SHE LOOKED UP AT ME, WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN, AND SAID TO ME: DENISE, YOU MAY THINK I SICK AND DAMENTED, BUT I WAITED A DAY. SHE SAID SHE JUST WANTED TO FEEL HIM IN HER TUMMY.  THIS WAS JUST BREAKING MY HEART, I CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH.  I PUT BOTH HANDS ON EACH SIDE OF HER FACE, PULLED HER FACE UP SO SHE WAS LOOKING AT ME. AND I TOLD HER THAT I DIDNT THINK THAT WAS SICK OR DEMENTED. I TOLD HER, THAT WHAT HE DID WAS SO WRONG, TO SEND YOU HOME KNOWING THIS.
THAT FOLLOWING DAY, SHE WENT INTO LABOR ON HER ON AND HAD HIM.

NOW, THERE WAS KNOW DOUBT IN MY MIND AT ALL, ABOUT GETTING A LAWYER. I WANTED HIS LICENSE PULLED.

WELL, IT BREAKS MY HEART TO SAY, THAT I GOT A PHONE CALL FROM THE LAWYER LAST WEEK. HE SOUNDED SO UPSET ON THE PHONE.  HE EXPLAINED TO ME THAT HE JUST GOT THE REPORT BACK FROM THERE DR.  AND HE SAID, THE REASON THIS HAPPENED WAS BECAUSE OF MY DAUGHTER'S AGE.   THAT IS SUCH CRAP, THE LAWYER EVEN AGREED.  I HAD HER WHEN I WAS YOUNGER THEN SHE WAS.  I HEARD OF TONS OF GIRLS 11-12-13 WHO HAVE BABIES.  MY DAUGHTER IS A PRETTY GOOD SIZED GAL. SHE HAD THE BODY OF A WOMEN, SHE MATURED EARLY IN LIFE.  I COULD'T BELIEVE THIS.  THE LAWYER APOLIGIZED OVER AND OVER. HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD TO GO OFF OF WHAT THIS DR. SAID.
HE'S SENDING ME COPIES OF ALL THE MEDICAL RECORDS THAT THEY GATHERED UP.  AND ADVISED ME TO GET ANOTHER LAWYER IMMEDIATLY.
I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. IF I SHOULD GET ANOTHER LAWYER OR NOT. I'M REALLY CONFUSED, AND UPSET

THE LAWYER TOLD ME IN CONVIDENCE, THAT THIS DR. HAS THE MOST INFENT MORTALATY RATE, OUT OF ALL THE O.B.'S IN TOWN.  THE DR, HAS DONE MORE C-SECTIONS THEN VAGINAL DELEVERIES.
HE ONLY BEEN A DR FOR THREE YEARS.  THIS IS UNREAL. AND NO ONE HAS BEEN ABLE TO NAIL THIS DR YET. I'M SO DISGUSTED TO EVEN THINK THAT A BUY OFF WENT DOWN. BUT I THINK THATS WHAT HAPPENED, AND THATS WHY HE WAS TELLING ME THESE THINGS IN CONVIDENCE.

HES HEAD STONE FINALLY GOT PUT IN FEW DAYS LATER.  I DID'NT THINK IT WOULD HIT ME AS HARD AS IT DID.  WHEN I FINALLY GOT THE NERVE TO WALK UP TO HIS STONE.  I JUST DROPPED TO MY KNEES, AND BAWLED.  SEEING HIS HEADSTONE, IS FELT SO FINAL, I DONT KNOW IF I CAN EVEN PUT IT INTO WORDS.   AND WHAT KILLS ME THAT MOST, IS THAT I COULD'T EVEN GET JUSTICE DONE IN MY GRANDSONS BEHALF.
MY HEART IS IN SO MUCH PAIN RIGHT NOW, IT HURTS ME TO EVEN TAKE A BREATH.


 

 

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blaze   in reply to The Wizard   on

Friends Helping Friends

THIS IS MY PRECIOUS GRANDSON IN MY DAUGHTERS HAND

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blaze   in reply to The Wizard   on

Friends Helping Friends

FIRST THING I WOULD LIKE TO SAY IS. GOD BLESS PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF. THANK YOU FOR HAVING SUCH A WONDERFUL, GOD SEND ORGANAZATION. ITS PEOPLE LIKE YOURSELF WHO GOD HAS SENT DOWN AS ANGELS TO PROTECT AND HELP THE FELLOW MAN. I WOULD BE HONORED IF YOU TOOK THE TIME TO READ ABOUT ME AND MY THREE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS. AND OUR LITTLE ANGEL IN HEAVEN, SIERUZ

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blaze   in reply to blaze   on

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

THIS IS A POEM I WROTE DEDICATED TO MY GRANDSON SIERUZ A FLICKER OF SUNLIGHT ONE MOMENT IN TIME FROM FEB 25TH TO THE 28TH ONE BLINK OF AN EYE LULLABIES SILENT QUESTIONS OF WHY SEARCHING FOR ANSWERS I KNOW I WON'T FIND BUT I'LL FIND SOME COMFORT KNOWING SIERUZ KNEW LOVE AND I'M GLAD THERE ARE THINGS HE NEVER KNEW OF.... HE NEVER KNEW HUNGER HE NEVER KNEW PAIN HE NEVER KNEW VIOLENCE SOME CHILDREN FACE. HE NEVER KNEW BIGOTHY COLOR OF SKIN HE NEVER KNEW HATRED OR SIN I FIND SOME COMFORT IN THIS.... HE NEVER KNEW ANGER NEVER KNEW WAR HE NEVER KNEW POVERTY OUTSIDE HIS DOOR HE NEVER KNEW LONELINESS SOME MUST ENDURE HE NEVER KNEW THESE THINGS EXIST I FIND SOME COMFORT IN THIS.... A FLICKER OF SUNLIGHT IN A GRANDMA'S EYES TEARS ARE STILL FALLING AND WILL FOR SOME TIME FOR THERE ARE SOME THINGS I WISH THAT HE KNEW TAKEN FOR GRANTED "BY BOTH ME AND YOU" BUT I'LL FIND COMFORT IN THIS HEART THAT HE TOUCHED.... AND THERE'S ONE THING I'M SURE OF I KNOW HE KNEW "LOVE" "GRANDMA DENISE"

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blaze   in reply to blaze   on

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER HOLDING HER LITTLE MAN SIERUZ.

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blaze   in reply to blaze   on

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

THIS IS ME HOLDING MY GRANDSON. HE WILL ALLWAYS AND FOREVER BE IN OUR HEARTS

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blaze  

Comment: ...

Note: This aidpage was started as a comment on "PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS"

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blaze   in reply to blaze   on

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER STORMI, HOLDING HER SON SIERUZ.

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blaze   in reply to blaze   on

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

THIS IS MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER STORMI, HOLDING HER LITTLE MAN.

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blaze   in reply to blaze   on

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

IN LOVEING MEMORY OF OUR LITTLE SWEET ANGEL SIERUZ J.BATES FEB 25, 06 - FEB 28, 06

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blaze  

Comment: ...

Note: This aidpage was started as a comment on "PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS"

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blaze  

PLEASE HELP ME AND MY DAUGHTERS

HI, MY NAME IS DENISE. IM SINGLE 34 YEARS OLD AND WITH THREE BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTERS, AGES: 16,11,9

GOD SENT ANGELS TO OUR WORLD, KNOWN AS HUMAN BEINGS.

PLEASE WHEN READING MY STORY, I ASK THAT YOU READ IT WITH AN OPEN MIND AND HEART.

I GREW UP IN A VERY SMALL TOWN. THERE'S WAS NOTHING FOR TEENAGERS TO DO. BUT GET INTO TROUBLE.  I MET MY OLDEST DAUGHTERS DAD WHEN I WAS 14, AND HE WAS 29.(I KNOW YOUR MOUTH IS PROBABLY HANGING ON THE GROUND)  I BELIEVE THE REASON MY PARENTS ALLOWED ME TO DATE HIM WAS BECAUSE, ONCE I MET HIM I QUIT GETTING INTO TROUBLE WITH THE SCHOOL, THE LAW, AND I QUIT PARTYING.  I GOT PREGNANT AT 15, MOVED OUT AND HAVE BEEN ON MY OWN EVER SINCE.  MY BABY'S DADDY WAS VERY PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY ABUSIVE. HE WAS VERY CONTROLLING. I MADE A PROMISE TO MYSELF THAT I WAS GOING TO GRADUATE HIGH SCHOOL KNOW MATTER WHAT.  I  WORKED MY BUTT OFF, GOING TO DAY SCHOOL, AND ALSO NIGHT SCHOOL, TAKING CARE OF A BABY, AND WORKING A PART TIME JOB. BUT I DID IT!  AFTER 5YEARS OF ABUSE, I FINALLY GOT THE NERVE TO LEAVE HIM.

 I WAS SINGLE FOR 2 MONTHS WHEN I MET MY EX-HUSBAND. WE WHERE MARRIED ALLMOST 14 YEARS. WE HAD THE PERFECT PICTURE FAMILY. HE HAD A GOOD PAYING JOB. AND I ALSO HAD A GOOD PAYING JOB WORKING FOR THE POST OFFICE.  THE LAST 5YRS OF OUR MARIAGE I STARTED TO ABUSE PAIN PILLS. LORATABS THEN OXY'S(PHARMACITACUL HERION) IT DID NOT TAKE LONG BEFORE THE PILLS WAS NOT ENOUGH. SO I TRIED METH. THATS ALL IT TOOK WAS ONE HIT. JUST ONE HIT! AND I WAS HOOKED. I CONTINUED TO TO BE THE PTA, GIRL SCOUTS MOM. KNOW BODY HAD ANY CLUE THAT I WAS USEING METH. EVEN MY HUSBAND DIDNT KNOW, HE KNEW I WAS ABUSING THE PILLS.

I HAD BEEN HAVING  GRAND MALL SEIZURES ABOUT THREE YEARS.  THE DR. DID NOT KNOW WHY I WAS HAVING THEM.  HE THOUGHT MAYBE IT COULD OF BEEN FROM A CAR ACCIDENT I WAS IN 15YRS EARLIER.  I KNEW WHY I WAS HAVING SEIZURES, BUT I WASNT GOING TO TELL MY FAMILY.

  THE LAST SIX MONTHS OF OUR MARRIAGE, THE DRUGS HAD TOOKEN OVER MY LIFE. I STARTED TO SPEND MY WHOLE PAY CHECK FOR DRUGS. I NEVER WENT TO THE BARS, NEVER WENT OUT PARTYING. I WAS WHAT YOU WOULD CALL A CLOSET USER BEFORE THAT. THEN I STARTED TO TAKE OFF FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND, RENTING A MOTEL ROOM SO I COULD GET HIGH ALL WEEKEND LONG. I STARTED TO MISS ALOT OF WORK. I WAS IN A VICIOUS CYCLE AND DID NOT KNOW HOW TO GET OUT. I DECIDED TO CHECK MYSELF INTO REHAB. I DETOXED THERE FOR 7 DAYS. BUT I HAD SO MUCH PAIN INSIDE AND  GUILT  FOR WHAT I DID TO MY HUSBAND AND KIDS AND MY FAMILY,(EXPICALLY MY DAD AND MY SISTER ESTHER)  I COULDNT HANDLE IT.   I WAS GOING OUT. AND I WAS GOING OUT USING DRUGS. SO I CHECKED MYSELF OUT OF REHAB AND DROVE STRAIGHT TO MY DEALERS HOUSE.  I WAS THERE 7DAYS. IN THAT 7DAYS I SPENT EVERYTHING I HAD SAVED $3000.00 ON ANY KIND OF DRUG AND ALCOHOL I COULD GET. THEY SAID I WAS HAVING SO MANY SEIZURES.  I REMEMBER COMING TO AFTER A SEIZURE, AND THE FRONT OF ME WAS COVERED WITH BLOOD FROM ME GETTTING SICK. I'D CHANGE MY CLOTHES AND GO SMOKE SOME MORE. METH.   EVERY DAY I KEPT TELLING THEM, YA, I'LL GO BACK TO REHAB TOMORROW, OR THE NEXT DAY, OR THE NEXT.  ON THE 7DAY MY DEALER LEFT TO GO PICK UP HIS SISTER. WHILE THEY WHERE GONE I KEPT BEGGING HIS GIRLFRIEND TO SMOKE SOME MORE METH WITH ME. SHE KEPT TELLING ME SHE HAD ENOUGH. I KEPT BUGGING HER UNTIL SHE GAVE IN.  WHEN HE CAME HOME HE FOUND HER LAYING ON THE FLOOR, AND I WAS COMPLETELY OUT OF IT ON THE COUCH.  HE TOLD HIS SISTER TO TAKE ME BACK TO THE REHAB, AND HE WAS GOING TO TAKE HER TO THE HOSPITAL.  DAYS LATER I GET A PHONE CALL FROM HIM. HE TOLD ME THAT SHE HAD DIED. SHE HAD O.D. ON ALL THE THINGS WE WHERE DOING.  I CANT EXPLAIN THE GUILT I FELT. THAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE ME! NOT HER. ME!  I WENT TO MY ROOM GOT DOWN ON MY KNEES AND PRAYED FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE I WAS A LITTLE GIRL.  I KNEW RIGHT THEN, GOD SAVED ME FOR A REASON.  I TRUELY BELIEVE IT'S TO HELP OTHER ADDICTS, SO MAYBE THEY WONT HAVE TO GO DOWN THE PATH I DID. THAT'S WHEN I TOOK THE FIRST STEP: I ADMITTED I WAS POWERLESS OVER DRUGS AND THAT MY LIFE HAD BECOME UNMANAGABLE.  I COMPLETED THE 30 DAY PROGRAM.   AND I'M VERY PROUD TO SAY THAT I HAVE BEEN CLEAN AND SOBER FOR 2YRS AND 2MON.  IN OUR LITTLE TOWN WE ONLY HAD 1 N.A. MEETING A WEEK.  I'VE HELPED TO GET MEETING GOING 7 DAYS A WEEK. I REALIZED DENISE WAS NOT A BAD PERSON. DENISE HAS A DISEASE CALLED ADDICTION.

A WEEK OUT OF REHAB I LEFT MY HUSBAND. HE IS SUCH A WONDERFUL MAN. EVERY TIME I LOOKED INTO HIS FACE, ALL I COULD SEE WAS PAIN THAT I HAD CAUSED. HE DESERVES NOTHING BETTER THEN THE BEST. I WAS'NT IT FOR HIM.  I LEFT HIM EVERYTHING, HE DESERVED IT. I TOOK MY CLOTHES, MY OLDER DAUGHTERS THINGS, AND HALF OF MY 2 YOUNGER GIRLS THINGS. I'M VERY HAPPY TO SAY THAT WE ARE VERY GOOD FRIENDS.

THINGS WHERE GOING GREAT. I FELT THE PEACE AND SERENITY INSIDE OF ME. A FEELING I NEVER FELT BEFORE. I WENT BACK TO WORK, I BOUGHT A HOUSE. ME A HOUSE! BY MYSELF.

AFTER A YEAR THINGS STARTED TO GO DOWNHILL. WE GOT A NEW BOSS. THE BOSS WOULD HIT ON ME ALL THE TIME. I'D TELL HIM I WAS'NT INTERESTED. BUT HE WOULD KEEP PURSUING ME. UNTIL I MENTIONED SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. THEN HE CHANGED. (WHEN I CAME BACK TO WORK I HAD TO SIGN A LAST CHANCE AGREEMENT, MEANING I COULDNT MISS ALOT OF DAYS LIKE I HAD BEFORE, AND A FEW OTHER MINOR THINGS)  MY BOSS WOULD YELL AT ME IN FRONT OF MY FELLOW CO-WORKERS, TRY TO WRITE ME UP FOR EVERYTHING LITTLE THING HE COULD FIND. HE EVEN PLANTED THINGS TO TRY TO GET ME IN TROUBLE.  IT GOT TO THE POINT THAT I WOULD HAVE TO TAKE AN ANXIETY PILL, BEFORE I WENT TO WORK, CUZ I KNEW AS SOON AS HE GOT THERE, HE WAS HEADING STRAIGHT TO ME TO YELL ABOUT SOMETHING.  I STARTED TO HAVE REALLY BAD ANXIETY ATTACKS AND PAIN ATTACKS.  WHICH GOT SO BAD I STARTED TO HAVE SEIZURES AGAIN.  I HAD NOT HAD A SEIZURE IN LITTLE OVER A YEAR. I STARTED TO MISS ALOT OF WORK. THESE WHERE GROUNDS FOR MY BOSS TO FIRE ME.  I TALKED TO MY UNION REP, AND HE ADVISED ME, THE BEST THING FOR ME TO DO WAS TO GO OUT ON DISABILITY.  THE POST OFFICE DOESNT WANT TO LOOK BAD, BY TRYING TO FIRE A PERSON WHO IS DISABLED. SO THEY PUT ME ON LONG TERM LEAVE UNTIL MY DISABILITY CAME THREW.  THIS WAS AUG, 05 THIS IS ALSO WHEN I APPLIED FOR DISABILITY. A YEAR LATER, IVE BEEN DENIED AND AM NOW APPEALING IT. I,VE WORKED FOR THE POST OFFICE FOR 10YRS. I WAS DEVASTATED.

THIS IS WHEN MY DEPRESSION STARTED. IT IS VERY HUMILIATING TO BE 33 AND HAVING TO GO ON DISABILITY.  HERE I AM IN A NEW HOME, KIDS TO SUPPORT. AND NO INCOME COMEING IN. I'VE ALLWAYS TOOK PRIDE THAT I SUPPORTED MY KIDS THERE WHOLE LIVES.  I CANT EVEN GET STATE ASSISTANCE, BECAUSE I OWN A HOME. THAT UPSETS ME SO BAD, I'VE WORKED MY BUTT OFF SINCE I WAS 18, I'VE WORKED REALLY HARD FOR THE THINGS I HAVE NOW. BECAUSE I'VE GOT THEM SINCE I SOBERED UP,  WHICH MEANS ALOT TO ME.   I KNOW WOMEN WHO NEVER WORK AND GET STATE ASSISTANCE, YET THE STATE CANT HELP ME OUT.  PLEASE DONT GET ME WRONG IM NOT BASHING THE WOMEN. IM UPSET WITH THE SYSTEM.  THIS DID NOT HELP MY SEIZURES AT ALL.  I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO PULL MY RETIREMENT OUT. SO I COULD TAKE CARE OF MY FAMILY.   GOD IS WATCHING OVER ME AND MY GIRLS, THAT MONEY HAS PROVIDED AND TOOKEN CARE OF US FOR ALLMOST A YEAR. ITS NOW DEPLETED.

THREE MONTHS LATER I FOUND OUT I HAD THE BEGINING STAGES OF CANCER IN MY UTERUS. AND NEEDED SURGURY.   MY MOM WHO WAS EMBARRESSED TO HAVE A RECOVING DRUG ADDICT DAUGHTER, HAD TURNED THE WHOLE FAMILY AGAINST ME. EXCEPT MY DAD, AND 1 OF MY SISTERS. ESTHER AND HER MY WONDERFUL BRO-IN-LAW.    SHE WOULD MAKE UP HORRIBLE LIES ABOUT ME TO THE FAMILY AND TO MY KIDS.  I FINALLY CONFRONTED HER, TO MAKE AMENDS. FOR THE PAIN I CAUSED HER.  SHE DID NOT ACCEPT MY AMEND. I JUST MADE HER EVEN MORE MAD.  SHE LEFT TO GO TO HAWAII WHERE SHE IS FROM FOR AWHILE TO GET AWAY, SHE SAID SHE COULD NOT STAND TO BE AROUND ME ANYMORE.  SHE LEFT THE DAY BEFORE MY SURGURY.  MY MOM BROKE MY HEART.  I WAS SUPPOSE TO BE DOWN AT LEAST 8WKS, BUT DAYS LATER AFTER MY SURGURY, MY DAD FOUND OUT HE HAD TO HAVE MASSIVE HEART SURGURY. THEY GAVE HIM A 30% CHANCE SURVIVAL RATE.  MOM STILL WOULD NOT COME HOME. I HAD TO, NO I WANTED TO TAKE HIM TO ALL HIS APPOINTMENTS AND TESTS HE NEEDED TO GET DONE.   IT SEEMED LIKE EVERYTIME I WOULD PICK MYSELF BACK UP, I WOULD GET SLAMMED DOWN WITH SOMETHING ELSE BAD.(I REMEMEBER SAYING, GOD IS REALLY TESTING ME, I KNOW NOW THAT IS NOT TRUE) I EVEN REMEMBER SAYING HOW COULD THINGS GET ANY WORSE.  WELL THEY DID. AND WHAT HAPPENED NEXT HAS DESTROYED ME, MY OLDEST DAUGHTER,MY DAD, THE WHOLE FAMILY.

ON THANKSGIVING DAY, MY OLDEST TOLD ME SHE WAS PREGNENT. I WAS HURT AND UPSET.  SHE GOT PREGNENT BY HER FIRST REAL BOYFRIEND, AND AS SOON AS HE FOUND OUT HE SKIPPED STATE.  HOW WAS I GOING TO PROVIDE FOR A BABY, WHEN I DONT KNOW HOW I WAS GOING TO PROVIDE FOR US.  THESE NEXT WORDS THAT I SAID TO MY DAUGHTER AND HER REPLY WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER: I ASKED HER TO GET AN ABORTION, AND SHE CALLED ME A BABY KILLER.(I PRAY EVERY NIGHT FOR GOD'S FORGIVENESS AND MY DAUGHTER'S FOR SAYING THAT)  I TOOK HER TO HER FIRST O.B. APPT. AND WHEN I HEARD THE BABYS HEART BEAT, I FEEL IN LOVE. I KNEW THEN THAT BABY WAS'NT GOING ANYWHERE BUT HOME WITH HIS MOM. SHE WAS 31/2 MONTHS ALONG. IT BREAKS MY HEART TO THINK SHE HAD TO KEEP IT A SECRET FOR SO LONG.  WE FOUND OUT SHE WAS HAVING A BOY. THE FIRST BOY IN THE FAMILY. I HAD ONLY THE THREE GIRLS, AND MY DAD ONLY HAD ME. MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS ARE FROM MY MOM'S PREVIOUS MARRIAGE.  WHEN WE FOUND OUT ABOUT MY DAD'S CONDITION, MY OLDEST MOVED IN WITH HIM, UNTIL MY MOM CAME HOME, TO KEEP HIM COMPANY, I COULDNT STAND THE THOUGHT OF HIM BEING ALONE.  THEY BECAME VERY CLOSE.  SHE SURPRISED MY DAD WITH ONE OF THE GREATEST GIFTS. SHE ASKED HIM IF  IT WOULD BE O.K. IF SHE GAVE HER SON MY DADS LAST NAME. BECUASE SHE KNOWS THAT WHEN MY DAD DIES SO DOES THE BATES LINE.  THAT MEANT SO MUCH TO MY DAD, I STILL DONT THINK SHE FULLY UNDERSTANDS HOW MUCH THAT MEANT.  THE FIRST PART OF JANUARY MY MOM CAME HOME, SO I GOT MY DAUGHTER BACK. HER FEELINGS TOWARDS ME STILL HAD NOT CHANGED.

 

ON FEB 25, 06 MY DAUGHTER WENT INTO PREMATURE LABOR. SHE WAS LITTLE OVER 7MONTHS. I RUSHED HER DOWN TO THE ONLY HOSPITAL IN TOWN(1ST BIG MISTAKE, WE HAVE THE WORST HOSPITAL IN THE WORLD)  THE DR KICKED ME OUT OF THE ROOM WHILE THEY DID AN ULTASOUND. I THOUGHT THAT WAS KIND OF WEIRD THAT HE DID THAT. BUT I WAS IN SUCH SHOCK, IT WAS ALLMOST LIKE MY BRAIN WAS JUST NUMB.  WHEN THEY LET ME BACK IN, HE EXPLAIN THAT, THE SAC THAT THE BABY IS IN, IS BULGING OUT OF THE UTURES, AND THAT HE WAS ALSO BREECH.  HE SAID THAT BEST CHANCE OF SURVIVAL WAS TO DO AN EMERGENCY C-SECTION.  HE CALLED LIFE FLIGHT TO TAKE HIM AS SOON AS HE WAS BORN, BECAUSE THEY WHERE NOT EQUIPPED TO TAKE CARE OF A PREMIE.  I FELT LIKE THIS WAS ALL A BAD DREAM, OH HOW I WISH IT REALLY WAS. OH HOW I WISH!  THEY ALLOWED ME TO BE IN THE O.R. ROOM WITH HER. THEY HAD A SHEET UP ABOVE MY DAUGTERS HEAD SO SHE COULD NOT SEE. BUT THEY PUT MY CHAIR FACEING STRAIGHT AT THE TABLE. I COULD SEE EVERYTHING.   WHAT I SAW DURING THE SURGURY IS FOREVER EMBEDED IN MY BRAIN, I'LL NEVER FORGET, EVER!   LIFE FLIGHT ARRIVED, GOT THERE THINGS SET UP, NOW WE WHERE JUST WAITING FOR THE ANATHESEOLIGIST TO ARRIVE. WE WAITED 45MIN FOR HIM TO ARRIVE THEN TOOK ANOTHER 15MIN FOR HIM TO GET THINGS SET UP.    1 HOUR, THAT'S NOT RIGHT!

THE DR. STARTED THE SURGURY, HE CUT HER HIP TO HIP. REACHED HIS HANDS IN AND COULD NOT REACH HIM.  HE THEN CUT HER UPWARD, REACHED IN AND STILL COULD NOT GET TO HIM, HE CUT UP A LITTLE FURTHER, TRIED AGAIN. STILL COULD NOT REACH HIM. HE THEN CUT HER WITH BANDAGE SCIRRORS.(I ALLWAYS THOUGHT THEY WHERE SAFETY SCIRRORS TO BE USED ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE BODY)  HE THEN GRABED A J-HOOK( A J-HOOK IS A LONG BAR SHAPED LIKE A J AT ONE END.  HE STUCK IT IN HER INCISION AND HAD THE NURSE PULL THE BAR TOWARDS MY DAUGHTERS HEAD. HE REACHED IN HER STOMACH AGAIN, AND COULD NOT GET TO HIM.  HE THEM GRABED ANOTHER J-HOOK PUT IT ON THE OTHER END OF THE INCISION AND HAD ANOTHER NURSE PULL TOWARDS HER HEAD.  NOW MY DAUGHTERS STOMACH IS STRECTCHED WIDE OPEN.  HE REACHED IN AGAIN AND COULD NOT GET TO HIM. HE GRABED SOME SCISSORS AND CUT THE PLACENTA. ALL OF A SUDDEN, BLOOD JUST POURED OFF THE TABLE.  IT WAS SO BAD IT SPLASHED UP TO MY KNEES, MY SHOES WHERE COVERED IN BLOOD.  I COULD SEE THE PANIC IN THE DR.S FACE  HE YELLED FOR ANOTHER NURSE TO GO UP BY MY DAUGHTERS HEAD AND PUSH DOWNWARD RIGHT BELOW HER BREAST'S, HE WAS YELLING PUSH DOWN HARDER. THEN FINALLY HE CAME OUT WITH MY GRANDSON. HE WAS BLACK, FROM LACK OF OXYGEN, BECAUSE THE DR TOOK SO LONG TO GET HIM OUT.  HE HANDED SIERUZ(MY GRANDSON) OVER TO THE LIFE FLIGHT TEAM.  TIME STOOD STILL WHILE THEY WHERE WORKING ON HIM. THEY FINALLY GOT HIM BREATHING, GOT A VENTALATOR IN. ONE OF THE LIFE FLIGHT TEAM MEMBERS TURNED AND LOOKED AT ME AND GAVE ME A THUMBS UP.  A EXTRA FILL IN NURSE FROM THE HOSPITAL, WALKED OVER AND STEPED ON THE VENTALATOR TUBE AND PULLED IT OUT.  I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I JUST SAY.  THE LIFE FLIGHT TEAM, GOT IT BACK IN. GOT HIM HOOKED UP TO WIRES AND TUBES AND PUT HIM IN A INCUBATOR.  THEY WHEELED HIM OVER TO MY DAUGHTER FOR HER TO GLANCE IN FOR A FEW MINUTES. THEN THEY LEFT.  I ASKED MY DAUGHTER WHAT SHE WANTED ME TO DO, STAY THERE WITH HER, OR GO TO THE UOFU WHERE THEY WHERE TAKING MY GRANDSON.  SHE LOOKED AT ME, WITH TEARS ROLLING DOWN HER FACE, AND SAID THESE WORDS THAT I WILL TREASURE ALLWAYS.  SHE SAID MOM: I WANT YOU TO BE WITH YOUR GRANDSON.  I BENT OVER AND JUST HUGGED HER, WITH ALL MY LOVE.... WE CRIED.  I GAVE HER A KISS ON THE FOREHEAD, TOLD HER THAT I LOVE HER VERY MUCH. AND I LEFT FOR THE HOSPITAL.  IT IS ABOUT A 45MIN DRIVE, THE LONGEST DRIVE EVER.

WHEN I LOOKED IN HIS INCUBATOR,  FOR THE FIRST TIME.  I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING SO PERCIOUS IN MY LIFE.  I WAS A GRANDMA. A VERY PROUD GRANDMA!  HE'S SO TINY,  HE WEIGHED 1PD 15OZS. AND WAS 13 IN. LONG.  MY TEARS WHERE JUST RUNNING OFF THE INCUBATOR. I ASKED THE NURSE IF I COULD STICK MY HAND IN.   I REACHED IN AND GRABED HIS LITTLE HAND, HE SQOOZE THE TIP OF MY FINGER.   I'LL NEVER FORGET THAT.   IT  JUST SO HAPPENED THAT THE NURSE THAT WAS ASSIGNED TO MY GRANDSON, I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH.  BLESS HER HEART, SHE TOOK THE TIME TO EXPLAIN EVERYTHING THAT WAS GOING ON. ANSWERED ALL MY QUESTIONS.  I NEVER LEFT HIS SIDE FOR TWO DAYS. THE ONLY TIME I LEFT WAS TO CALL MY DAUGHTER TO SEE HOW SHE WAS DOING, AND TO TELL HER HOW HER SON WAS, AND WHEN I'D TRY TO EAT SOMETHING.  I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ALONE IN MY LIFE, BEING AT THE HOSPITAL BY MYSELF. I FELT SO TORN.  I WANTED MY FAMILY TO BE THERE WITH MY DAUGHTER FOR SUPPORT.

IT WAS LATE THE SECOND NIGHT WHEN THE NURSE, TOLD ME THAT SIERUZ WAS LOOSING BLOOD, AND THEY WERE NOT SURE WHERE THE BLOOD WAS GOING. SHE SAID THAT THEY THINK ITS GOING TO HIS BRAIN, AND THAT THEY WHERE GOING TO DO A BRAIN SCAN. THE NEXT AFTERNOON.  I LEFT THE UOFU AT 7:00AM, (THE THIRD DAY)   DROVE HOME TOOK A SHOWER, GRABBED SOME CLOTHES FOR ME AND MY DAUGHTER. AND LEFT TO GO PICK HER UP.  WHEN I WALKED IN HER ROOM, SHE WAS CRYING SO HARD, SO COULD HARDLY TALK. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE JUST GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH SIERUZ'S DR, AND THEY HAD THE RESULTS BACK FROM THE BRAIN SCAN, AND IT WAS NOT GOOD. MY HEART INSTANTLY SANK. ALL I HAD ON MY MIND WAS TO HORRAY AND GET MY DAUGHTER REUNITED WITH HER SON.  WE LEFT ALL HER THINGS THERE I TOLD THE NURSES ID BE LATER TO GET THEM.

WHEN WE ARRIVED, THE LOOK ON HER FACE WHEN SHE SAW HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME, I'LL NEVER FORGET. THE TEARS JUST ROLLING OFF HER CHEEKS.  THE DR'S CAME OVER, SAT US DOWN AND EXPLAIN THAT THEY RATE BRAIN BLEEDS FROM 1-4 4 BEING THE WORST.  THEY SAID SIERUZ WAS A #4. ONE OF THE WORST CASES THEY HAD SEEN. THEY TOLD HER THAT THEY COULD TRY TO SAVE HIM, BUT HE WOULD BE ON A VENTALATOR FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.  HE'D NEVER TALK,WALK.   SHE TURNED HER HEAD TO ME CRYING, WE BOTH WHERE, THEN SHE TURNED TO THE DR'S AND SAID: I DO NOT WANT MY SON TO SUFFER.   THEY SAID THAT IS THE MOST UNSELFISH THING A MOM CAN DECIDE FOR HER CHILD.  DURING THE TWO DAYS, I WONDERED TO MYSELF, IF IT EVER CAME DOWN TO THIS, WOULD SHE BEABLE TO MAKE THE RIGHT DECISSION?  WELL IT WASNT HER IT WAS ME. I DID WANT TO BE SELFISH, THIS WAS SO UNFAIR. I KEPT TELLING THEM THERE HAS GOT TO BE SOMETHING THEY CAN DO FOR HIM, I ASKED OVER AND OVER. UNTIL FINALLY THE WHEELED IN A COMPUTER, THEY SHOWED US A BABY WITH A #4 BRAIN BLEED, THEN THEY SHOWED US MY GRANDSON'S. OH MY GOSH, THE LITTLE GUY HAD SO MUCH PRESSURE IN HIS LITTLE HEAD, THAT IT WAS POKING HOLES THREW HIS BRIAN.  I KNEW THEN, THAT THIS WAS THE RIGHT DECISSION. BUT IT STILL DIDNT MAKE IT ANY EASIER.

THEY ARE NOT ENOUGH WORDS OR HUGS TO COMFORT MY DAUGHTER. IF I COULD TAKE HER PAIN ON TO MYSELF, I WOULD.  I WOULD TRADE MY LIFE FOR HIS.  MY EX-HUSBAND CAME UP WITH MY OTHER TWO. SO THEY COULD SAY GOOD-BYE TO THERE NEPHEW. MY PARENTS ALSO CAME UP.

THEY PUT US IN A PRIVATE ROOM SO WE COULD HAVE SOME PRIVACY. MY DAUGHTER GOT TO SPEND 17 GLOURIOUS HOURS WITH HIM. SHE GOT TO GIVE HIM HIS FIRST BATH, GOT HIM DRESSED IN HIS FIRST OUTFIT. CHANGE HIS DIAPER. I'M SO GREATFUL SHE GOT THE CHANCE TO DO THESE THINGS FOR HER SON.  I SAT NEXT TO HER WHILE SHE HELD HIM, SHE LOOKED OVER EVERY INCH ON HIS LITTLE BODY AT LEAST 1000 TIMES, EVERY STRAIND OF HAIR.  WHEN I HELD HIM FOR THE FIRST TIME, I PUT HIM UP TO MY FACE AND JUST BREATHED HIM IN.  EVERY NOW AND AGIAIN I WILL SMELL HIM.  I KNOW HE'S WATCHING OVER US.   EVERYBODY GOT THERE CHANCE TO HOLD HIM. AND LOVE ON HIM.  MY DAUGHTER WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN,  SHE COULD'NT EVEN WALK.  YET SHE NEVER LEFT HIS SIDE ONCE.

IT WAS 12:00 MIDNIGHT WHEN SHE DECIDED TO LET THEM TAKE THE VENTALTOR OUT. IT TOOK TWO HOURS FOR HIS LITTLE HEART TO STOP BEATING.  I CAN'T EXPLAIN TO YOU HOW HARD IT WAS, TO WATCH HIM GASPING FOR AIR, THE NURSE COMEING IN EVERY 5-10MIN TO LISTEN TO HIS HEART, SHE'D LISTEN,  LOOK UP AT ME, SHAKE HER HEAD NO. THEN WALK BACK OUT OF THE ROOM.  EVERY TIME SHE CAME IN, EVERYONE WENT SILENT, WHILE WE WAITED FOR HER TO LISTEN. WHEN SHE SAID SHE COULD NOT HEAR A HEARTBEAT, AT THE VERY MOMENT A BIG PIECE OF ME DIED TO. THE DR CAME IN, LISTENED, AND PERNOUNCED HIM GONE.  HE DIED AT 2:05A.M.  EVERYONE LEFT SOON AFTER, AND IT WAS JUST ME, MY DAUGHTER, AND MY GRANDSON.  I HELD HER, WHILE SHE HELD HIM, AND WE CRIED TOGETHER. THIS WAS JUST OUR TIME WITH HIM. THEN I SAT DOWN ON THE COUCH AND IT WAS JUST HER AND HER SON. I WASNT RUSHING HER I WANTED HER TO TAKE ALL THE TIME SHE WANTED.   IT WAS ABOUT 6:00 IN THE MORNING WHEN SHE TOLD ME: MOM, IM TIRED, I'M READY TO GO HOME.   I TOLD HER O.K. BABY, I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.  I WILL NEVER FORGET HOW I FELT INSIDE WHEN SHE HANDED MY GRANDSON, BACK TO THE NURSE.   I KNEW THAT WAS THE LAST TIME I EVER WAS GOING TO HOLD HIM EVER.  IT RAINED OVER THE WHOLE STATE OF UTAH THAT DAY.  I BELIEVE IT WAS GOD MOURNING WITH US.  GODS TEARS, WAS THE RAIN.

I FEEL VERY TRUELY BLESSED, THAT I GOT TO SPEND THREE GLOURIOUS DAYS WITH MY GRANDSON. I WILL TREASURE IT FOREVER IN MY HEART. "ALLWAYS"   I ONLY WISH MY DAUGHTER COULD OF GOT THE OPPORTUNITY LIKE I DID. IN THE SHORT THREE DAYS OF HIS LITTLE LIFE. HE TOUCHED ALOT OF PEOPLE. THE WHOLE HIGH SCHOOL WHERE MY DAUGHTER ATTENDED, WHO MEMORIAL PATCHES ON THERE CLOTHES FOR WEEKS.

GOD WAS LOOKING OVER US, WHEN WE ARRIVED HOME, I CHECKED THE MAIL, AND MY INCOME TAX CHECK HAD CAME IN. THIS IS WHAT I USED TO PAY FOR THE FUNERAL. IF  IT WOULDNT OF CAME IN, I HAD NO IDEA HOW I WAS GOING TO PAY FOR THE FUNERAL.

4 DAYS AFTER THE FUNERAL, MY DAD HAD TO GO IN FOR HIS HEART SURGURY. THE SURGURY WENT WELL. BUT HE LIKE MYSELF AND MY DAUGHTER ARE STILL HAVEING A REALLY HARD TIME WITH MY GRANDSONS DEATH.

I HAVE NO INCOME COMEING IN. I HAD TO TAKE A LOAN OUT AGAINST MY CAR.  MY HOME IS STARTING TO GO INTO FORECLOSER.  OUR HOME MEANS SO MUCH TO ME, THIS IS WHERE MY NEW JOURNEY IN LIFE STARTED. THIS IS WHERE, THE MEMORIES OF MY GRANDSON ARE. I'M LOOSING MY CAR.  EVERYTHING I'VE WORKED SO HARD FOR,  I'M LOOSING. AND ITS TEARING ME UP INSIDE.  I'M PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY DRAINED. I DONT KNOW WHERE ELSE TO TURN FOR HELP.

WHAT I'VE BEEN THREW IN A YEAR TIME,  IS WHAT SOME PEOPLE, GO THREW IN A LIFE TIME. AND I SHARE IN MEETNGS, IF I CAN GO THREW ALL OF THESE THINGS CLEAN AND SOBER. THEN ANYONE CAN.STAY SOBER NO MATTER WHAT LIFE THROWS THERE WAY.

I'M GRACIOUSLY ASKING YOU KIND PEOPLE. FOR HELP, HELP TO SAVE OUR HOME. AND THE ONLY VECHILE I HAVE.   YOUR KINDNESS, TO KEEP ME AND MY GIRLS IN YOUR PRAYERS, ESPICALLY FOR MY BEAUTIFUL 16YR OLD WHO HAS GONE THREW, WHAT PARENTS FEAR MOST, THE DEATH OF THERE OWN CHILD.  I SO LONG FOR THAT PEACE AND SERENITY BACK.   LET GO- LET GOD

THANK YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME TO READ MY STORY.
GOD BLESS TO YOU ALL
DENISE GORDON
873 WEST 770 SOUTH
TOOELE, UTAH  84074
435-843-5317
435-849-2168

 

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HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 I AM A SINGLE MOM  OF THREE.

 I HAVE WORKED AS A MAIL CARRIER FOR 10 YEARS, BECAUSE OF MY MEDICAL CONDITION BECOMING UNCONTROLLABLE, (SEIZURES) I HAD NO CHOOSE BUT TO LEAVE THE POST OFFICE,  AND APPLY FOR MEDICAL DISABILITY. I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SEVERAL PEOPLE THAT IT COULD TAKE YEARS FOR THEM TO FINALLY GET APPROVED. (VERY FRUSTATING) EXPESCIALLY WITH ME BEING 33 YEARS OF AGE. I BOUGHT MY VERY OWN HOME 2 YEARS AGO (VERY PROUD).   I HAD NO CHOOSE BUT TO PULL MY RETIREMENT. THAT MONEY IS NOW ALMOST COMPLETELY DEPLETED. MORGAGE COMPANY WILL NOT WORK WITH ME AT ALL. HOUSING IN MY HOME TOWN HAS A THREE YEAR WAITING LIST (CANT WAIT THAT LONG). I HAVE CALLED ALL RESOURCES THAT I COULD THINK OF FOR HELP, NONE SUCCESFUL.  IF ANYONE HAS ANY IDEAS TO HELP, IT WOULD DEEPLY BE APPRECIATED.

THANKS

JUST A MOM TRYING TO SURVIVE

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